McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
