WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
