No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
