im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
