i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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