Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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