I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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