Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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