The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
