hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
