do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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