dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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