I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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