I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
