i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
