he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
