i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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