how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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