I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's the barista slut.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
