Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
