HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
