I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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