also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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