Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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