Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
