Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
