also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
