i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
