Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize