for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
