I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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