the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
