I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
