It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
