Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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