I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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