who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The power of my boobs compel you
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
