Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
