Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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