I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
