I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
