census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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