My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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