I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
