On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
