worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
As shirtless as possible
I stole a fireplace last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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