I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm going to jail i love you
"it" just moved
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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