So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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