The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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