Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
