i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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