real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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