he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize