i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
