She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
