So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
