my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
how drunk are you?
Several
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
