we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
