i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
