Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
