jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
