dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
