She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
is it fun? or sober?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
