i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's the barista slut.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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