she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
